jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
