Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
