she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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