During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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