Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
