Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
