are you still at the devil's house?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
