can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
