She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
