the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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