Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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