R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
