Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
