His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
