I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
