I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up under a house in Key West
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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