i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
