I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
