I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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