One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
