Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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