I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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