my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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