I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This is the high leading the old right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
