You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
