I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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