this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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