someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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