Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
