and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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