I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
