someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
