I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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