drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
