Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
