If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
