i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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