Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
