There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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