Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
