well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think i have two assholes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
