You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
