she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
