there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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