So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
