I'm so fucking centered right now
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
