So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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