So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
