Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
