I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
