and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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