I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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