Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
